Competition between siblings can be one of the fiercest dynamics in a family business. Unbridled competition between parents and children can be one of most devastating. But seen from a constructive point of view, inter-family competition can be one of the greatest advantages of family business.

I have been bewildered by stories of cultures that play games in which no one wins. I am equally perplexed by the attitudes of those who see winning or losing as a measure of their prowess and superiority over others.

I like to compete as much as anyone else, and thus found myself in a self-imposed paradox until I considered a perspective of competition that supports winning by all the parties involved. Consider tennis players who appreciate playing against skilled opponents. Both players win by testing themselves and by learning from each other’s game. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not opposed to sports events declaring a winner, rather I recede from intentions of proving inherent superiority by winning.

In family business, I imagine a scenario similar to a sporting activity involving an older and younger sibling. The older, more skilled and stronger, can easily beat the younger in a way that demonstrates superiority, and plays to win accordingly. In a win-win scenario the older sibling derives gratification when the younger achieves increased ability and skill, even to the point where the younger often comes out the victor. Inside the family, strength has been added to strength. By the same token, when a child becomes able to perform a task better than their parent, the parent recognizes a job well done. The family wins too, because new capability has been added.

Family businesses can benefit by understanding that internal competition is not all win-lose. They can learn much by watching its outcomes, becoming aware of the growing strengths within the family that competition showcases.